A Note From Me
This week I've been sitting with something I keep noticing in my work — how many of us are living in our surface emotions without realizing it. We feel frustrated, irritated, or shut down, and we stop there. We react from that place, communicate from that place, and sometimes build entire patterns around it — without ever asking what's actually underneath.
It got me thinking about how much of our communication, our relationships, and yes, our boundaries are being run by emotions that aren't even the real ones.
That's what this issue is about.
This Week's Topic:
"Cover Emotions — And What They're Covering"
Have you ever snapped at someone you love and immediately thought — why did I do that? Or shut down completely when all you really wanted was to be heard? What if the emotion you expressed wasn't actually the one you were feeling?
Primary emotions are the ones that might pop up and cover the real ones — the ones that live underneath. They're often tender, vulnerable, and uncomfortable to sit with. Things like hurt, rejection, shame, loneliness, or fear. Cover emotions are what we reach for instead. Anger. Irritability. Numbness. Withdrawal. They feel bigger, stronger, and in a strange way — safer. When the real emotion feels too painful or too exposed, our nervous system finds something that feels more powerful to hide behind.
Here's where it gets interesting. When someone feels rejected or deeply hurt, anger is often what shows up instead. And anger makes sense — it creates distance, it feels like control, it protects the wound. But it also blocks connection, escalates conflict, and makes it nearly impossible to communicate what you actually need. You're not lying exactly. You're just not telling the whole truth — sometimes not even to yourself.
Think of your nervous system like a fire alarm. When it goes off — beep, beep, beep — it's loud, it's chaotic, and it demands your attention. But the alarm isn't the problem. Somewhere in the building something is actually broken or on fire. The cover emotion is the alarm. It's loud, it's hard to ignore, and it can take over the whole room. But silencing the alarm doesn't fix what triggered it. The fire still needs to be put out. The real emotion — the hurt, the fear, the rejection — that's what needs attention. That's where the actual work happens.
Try This This Week
The next time you feel a big, loud emotion — anger, irritability, numbness, the urge to shut down or lash out — pause before you react. Then try this:
Make a list of emotions, especially the quieter, more vulnerable ones. Things like hurt, rejection, shame, loneliness, embarrassment, fear, or feeling unseen. For each one, write down:
→ What does this emotion actually feel like for me?
→ Where do I feel it in my body?
→ How do I know when this is what I'm experiencing?
Keep that list somewhere accessible. Then every time a big primary emotion shows up, come back to your list and ask yourself — is one of these the more honest feeling underneath?
You might be surprised what you find.
What's Happening & Updates
I currently have openings available for individual therapy — updated weekly. If you've been thinking about starting therapy or know someone who has, I'd love to connect. I'm licensed and accepting new clients in Arkansas, New Mexico, and Colorado, and all sessions are held virtually.
More updates are coming soon — including some resources and offerings I'm really excited to share. Stay tuned.
Want to work together? Reach out at hello@claritygrowthco.com or
Until Next Time
Clarity starts with honesty — even when that honesty is just between you and yourself.
Emily Brown, LPC | Clarity & Growth Co.
www.claritygrowthco.com | @get.clarity
